


Kakashi Gaiden: Lost

by Owletfluff



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mostly Canon Compliant, Not Beta Read, Omega Hatake Kakashi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Parent Hatake Kakashi, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Psychological Horror, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Trope Subversion, Unplanned Pregnancy, Warnings May Change, at times - Freeform, im having the worst time tagging this thing yall, im not planning this at all its making itself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2020-08-19 18:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20214559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owletfluff/pseuds/Owletfluff
Summary: It was a tough world. Kakashi had grown, cut his teeth on it and it’s great wars. He survived— not just because of his skill but his bonds. And there were so few of them left, now.Kakashi is left alone in a cruel world with nothing but his late Sensei's newborn child to comfort him. What can he do, with everyone he had ever cared about dead?Only time can tell.





	1. CH1

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this is pretty rough. I got inspiration to write, so I did, and now im too impatient to really edit over it before posting. I do not have a beta for this so just bear with me! Minimal editing and rewriting has happened, though I may come back later and redo some scenes to make it more impactful. Ive never written ABO specifically as well, so Im prone to forgetting to writing those aspects.
> 
> Will be writing individual chapters as I post, so likely a bit slow to update.

Konoha was weak. It had been for a while, now- after the death of the Fourth countless nin had sought to attack the village, the Leaf dangerously low in their own numbers thanks to the cruel claws of the nine tails. Their allies, fragile, nothing but brittle bonds had sent help, but not in the form of reinforcements. They had their own problems, lands torn by war and skirmish just the same as theirs.

It was a tough world. Kakashi had grown, cut his teeth on it and it’s great wars. He survived— not just because of his skill but his bonds. And there were so few of them left, now. 

He could so vividly feel the warm, soft cloth of Minato’s Hokage jacket rumpled against his cheek, against a strong shoulder and smelling warm, yet exceedingly gentle alpha smell almost exactly three months prior (He’d never scented such a gentle yet strong alpha smell on anyone but his Sensei.) when the man had consoled him like a father. _ A true father, soon, Kushina seven months pregnant at the time. _ Her gentle, but strong, yet incredibly _ milky _ beta scent had soothed his shaken nerves then. Full of baby, baby _ baby _at the time. It had invaded his senses and not left. 

He _ missed _ it as much as he missed his Sensei’s warm reassuring presence. He had no one to hold him now, to tell him everything would be okay. That he would be there- _ always _ there, no matter what. Even as Kakashi had cried like a child into the man’s shoulder and ripped the seam of the thick cotton shirt below the Hokage uniform. Briefly hysterical like he hadn’t been since Obito had died. The weight of his world and it’s sharp, sudden change too much for him. The world had had even crueler things in store. If only he had known, then.

Minato had lied. Assured his frazzled mind that he would be there, every step. And here he was, gone. The last people he had ever considered family— gone in an instant. Leaving a child behind so soft, round— milk scented just like his mother, warm like his father— _left_ _him just like that._ _Leaving a monster within him._

Kakashi had wrecked the late Hokage’s office in upset rage. Angry at his Sensei. For leaving. For placing that thing within his own child. But more than that? Angry at himself.

He’d only stopped to quell the newborn’s sobbing. The child had been passed to him. Of course it had. Jirya missing, and no other nin as close (_ the rest were dead. All of them. Gone.) _ he had all but been shoved the role. As if he wouldn’t have flung himself between any others and the defenseless babe. _ Naruto _. His now. 

It had been a matter of convenience for the village. He was the absolute best candidate. The most compatible with the child. Kakashi had seen it as a way to repent; atone for his mistakes and inability to come to his master at such a crucial time.

Funny how then they had not let him run to the field but now had placed him on the active register in desperation. If they had let him out to fight along his Sensei prior he would have been able to do _ something_. He could have given his life instead of Minato. Then someone more deserving would have at least been left for the small child in the crib.

But he had not been. And after agonizing over it, and himself, his pitiful, emotional state, head fogged and angry and desperate and _ numb _ Kakashi had been simply... ordered. Told to report for a mission statement by a hollow-eyed ANBU he had recognized from his own ANBU days and as the nin had poofed into thin air he had stood there for a moment. Frozen. Baggy civilian clothes rumpled and hair disheveled. Paper bag of infant formula and diapers from the store clutched loosely between his fingers. Shocked.

Some part of him wanted to be angry. Run down by his own body, the care of an endlessly needy newborn, all thrust upon him because these nin has refused to let him return to duty when he was needed _ most _ — only to **now dare to send him away** —( _ Naruto. How could they send him from Naruto.)— _but all he felt was numb.

Instead of facing any of it he headed to the Hokage’s office. He’d not even bothered to drop his groceries back home. The Third stared at him with that stern, but softly apologetic look of his and Kakashi fought the want to insult the old beta. Those dark eyes would not soothe his anger. The Third was perhaps the only one who _ understood _ and yet— here they were.

“You must understand that we do not have a choice..”

“Like hell!!” He spat. An ANBU shifted uncomfortably in his peripheral. He wanted to scoff. Still, it was true he rarely had such little control around others. 

“Kakashi. Considering the circumstances I would not send you out. But we have no other Shinobi that matches your skill for this mission. We are too short handed now, Kakashi. Under your conditions I would not be doing this if I had _ anyone _ else.”

“You should have had the sense to let me out _ two months ago. Did you have a choice THEN?” _ The numb-prickle had turned into a broiling inferno under his skin in an instant. Hokage or not the damn old man had refused to see the _ nine tails _ as a threat big enough. 

“What about Naruto?” It was a growl. Low, protective. 

“Iruka will care for him in your absence.” 

Kakashi’s uncovered eye twitched just a little. The sweet-soft smelling alpha chunin was certainly capable. Surprisingly child oriented for an alpha, he seemed to love nothing more than to dedicate his life’s work to raising their young nin. Had his scent said otherwise everyone including himself would have thought the man omega.

But he did not want _ alpha _ near the child. He was young, still milk sweet and Kakashi had practically hid him away from the world for it. Kept clinging to his late parent’s smell still faintly scented on the child as long as he could. Selfishly. Drenched him in his own ashy scent. _ Violent _intent pulsed in his hands all the way down to the tips of his nails.

He bit back the scorn in his throat, ready to rip into the third with word and _ teeth _ . Instead he said: “ _ Fine_.”

After that the next day went by in a blur. Packing, dressing in his uniform, alien after a few months of being forbidden from it. Yet like a second skin it soothed him, made him feel calm in a way he hadn’t since his Sensei had died. A layer of physical, emotional armor he didn’t know he had.

Maybe because the flak jacket had belonged to Minato. Outgrown but still sturdy. He wished he could smell the alpha on it in the same way he wished he could smell Obito again. But their scents had faded long ago. All he smelled was himself.

As much as he did not want Naruto out of his flat he refused to have another in there with him. In his personal space. So the child would be staying in Iruka’s home. Kakashi had barely minutes with the child on his hip before he was already there, handing the small thing to warm gray eyes, tan skin and dark hair. He felt his hackles rising, but the sickeningly sweet look the alpha gave Naruto diminished it quickly. He was being irrational. Over protective. His own controlled scent had flared he knew- strong as it was, sour with his distaste and he knew Iruka had smelled it. But he hadn’t said a thing. Instead kind eyes turned to him, wished him luck, and the door had been closed gently to keep the chill out. He stared at the flimsy wood in front of his covered nose and thought of breaking it.

(It was what was best. He knew Kakashi would not have left willingly.)

Kakashi only stood there dumbly for a moment more, entirely ruffled, before forcing his feet to take him to the gate entrance. Still being repaired. He remembered that orange claw ripping an entire door and pillar away with ease. A thick tail of many leveling entire streets.

He remembered being dragged away from the sight of it all._ Screaming. Voice gone the next day. _

And now here he was. Leaving through the same gate to track down missing nin. Nin that had information they could not lose. Crucial. Alive, most likely. 

He would return to the little sunshine child. That much he knew. He didn’t care how, but he would. He wouldn’t abandon Naruto like everyone else had.

—-

It had been admittedly refreshing being back out in the field. It was something he had been craving since he had been barred from his duties- only now it was marred by a prickling want to dig his fingers through soft gold locks and to see a gurgling smile next to him. He had become accustomed to the child’s presence. Without him he felt uneasy, as if the child could be hurt the moment he was out of his sight.

It only seemed to get worse the further he got from Konoha. It was excruciating as he left their borders entirely- he had underestimated the strength of bond he could have with a child not his own. He supposed he _ had _ taken over his care when he was not even a full day old. 

The fact grated on him. He would not let his flimsy, grief ridden emotions distract him. It would get him caught.

It appeared a group of people had taken the squad he was tracking. Smell faint but musky, a combination of too many scents to tell— it was concerning. Different regional scents had hit him when he had first smelled them; panic had followed, thinking several villages had been conspiring against them— but no. This was... different. Their home-scent was faint, notes in their presence. Were they all defectors? It was unusual for them to gather. He couldn’t smell their designations, either. Not for the most part at least. All three muddled into one so faintly he couldn’t pinpoint. They all seemed to have good scent control, then.

He wished he had his Sensei to guide him.

Eventually the scents took him to a small village tucked away against the side of a waterfall- unaligned to any state and drenched in perpetual rain. Minuscule. Overlooked.

Perfect for a group of missing nin.

Hidden by his cloak he had stepped easily among the sluggish crowds of the miserable little country village, pelted by rain and welcoming the chill to his warm body. He felt in such a way that his body relished in every scrape, every ache. Though he was somewhat out of shape, the soreness from the exertion fueled fire that had gone dim. The danger was still all too real but this mission was truly only recon. He only needed to pinpoint and track. Once he had found them he would call for backup and fall back.

The bar he ducked into was simply lit and smelled like damp cement and musk and Beta. Indistinct and muddled yet individual- disorienting for someone not like him. For now he just needed to blend in, become part of the many people traveling through. So he slid up to the bar, quiet and unimpressive. Someone to not pay attention to. The scent balm rubbed over his glands erased his identity entirely, completely neutral from from his designation to his distinctive aroma. Gone was the ash and pine and berry notes— scrubbed clean. He smelled like an entirely average beta to those around him.

Kakashi quietly ordered tea and rice. Not much food grew here, and so small, he could guess import and export wasn’t a major fare. He didn’t care. Complex foods no longer sat well in his stomach. 

Still it was far better than a ration bar. It was hot, and certainly not dry and waxy. He’d been feeling a tad more picky lately. It wasn’t anything he couldn't get past though.

Minato-Sensei had taught him _ better _. 

The low flowing chatter around him told him the local gossip. Farmers, workers, young men escaping home for a drink. It all swam in a thick ocean around his head, ducked low to the steam of his bowl behind his hood. Echoing off of cracked, waterlogged walls and dim, flickering lights.

It didn’t take long before he heard his first clue. Locals gossiped— and had seen odd nin looking people coming through town. Green vests... yeah. But they had been traveling in a group with others in dark garb. Genjutsu? They wouldn't be doing so so willingly. Kakashi frowned. Inhaling the weak aroma of his tea before sipping. 

How long ago? He listened. Waited. Ordered grilled fish and a refill to pass the time. Two days prior... he could work with that. 

The ache in his knees and ankles blossomed back to life as he stood from his creaking seat after paying for his food. He would find an inn next to work out his plan. They had to still be in this town. Something about it had drawn them, they weren’t simply passing through. 

He didn’t know what yet, and he wanted to find out. It was a group of them. Was it a base of sorts? Or were they just nin for hire, congregating for their deal. He would eventually find out.

For now he would follow the plan obediently. Too much was at stake here for him to let emotions break his hard-earned ANBU-hardened skill. He was a professional killer. He followed orders obediently. He would put the safety of Naruto above his own selfish want to prove himself.

The room he was given had a leaking roof and Kakashi found strange peace with the steady drip, drip, drip of it. It was something to focus on as he went over his equipment, cleaning any moisture ridden kunai and drying paper. Laid out on the bed, he found the task methodical, something his mind sunk into.

Gazing at his items on the ugly blue and green pattern of the sheets was oddly nostalgic as he listened to the drip- he remembered one mission with Obito; insufferable at the time. These days, he would have given anything to have the Uchiha nipping at his throat in that intolerable way he had done. He missed that bickering. 

They had gotten stuck in a collapsed tunnel for three days. The lake above had trickled down through a crack. It had been a nasty trap but the two of them had fought their way out, worked together.

He had not had anyone challenge him like that since.

Sure he had Gai, but...

Gai was only so much a “Rival” in name as well as he could perform _ Jutsu. _ More like... a best friend. Absurdly loyal. The man had nearly crushed him in a hug just the other week. He’d known him all his life and so he was certainly _ different _; but he was not Obito. Nobody was. And when Rin— well. 

Each passing _ incident, _ each year only seemed to prove how much more they needed Obito. The man had held them together. He had been the— _ love _ that changed Kakashi’s entire perspective. Kept their team together. The man had cared for everyone and everything so selflessly Kakashi had yet to completely understand it. He didn’t think he would ever. 

Maybe if Obito had lived Minato would not be dead.

Obito shouldn’t have saved him in the cave.

Kakashi shook his head, leaning back to scrub a hand through his hair. He needed to stop that. 

It was not productive. Minato has scolded him in the past for it. He wished he could see the worth his Sensei had seen in him. 

He set back to his task, putting his equipment back to its intended places. He paused, feeling the weight of he masters specialized Kunai in his palm. He knew he should not waste space on things he intended to _ use _ in the first place. He just.... needed to have it with him. When the man had died, it had felt the same as his father’s keepsake. Only this time, he wasn’t planning on breaking it.

Could he be any more selfish? 

Kakashi sighed. Laying briefly to rest, if he could, before heading out into the field to gather information. He’d not slept in three days. He needed to be sharp for this.

—-

The night had become cool and humid from the storm. He felt as if he was breathing in the rice paddies surrounding the village, a balm to his scratchy throat and he thought of home- how much dryer it was. one of the many contrasts between this place and home and only further showed how _ far _ he was.

While at the same time it was this _ difference _ that he relished in. He loved his home but all it offered was _ reminders _ . Minato-Sensei’s stone face was still only just finished. it was all just too, too soon. He would find himself staring at it for far longer than was necessary— the pictures at home didn’t help either. He just wished he had one of Naruto and his parents. It had all passed so quickly, they hadn’t even gotten a _ chance. _  
  
The thoughts he had willed himself to leave in the inn only continued to swirl in his mind as he tracked down possible hideouts. His psyche was a traitor. Distracting him-- cutting his efficiency. He shook his head, sighing deeply through his nose. 

Crouched in a thicket of tall weeds, he gazed out over the low ridge at a half-buried wooden house all by itself under a low rock outcropping. Though it looked severely damaged, he had a feeling there was... more to it. He’d seen two men loitering about the premises, one had been fishing in the nearby pond, but the other had made a wide circle around the house and the boulders surrounding it thrice now over the past two hours.  
  
Why had they picked such a dismal place? It was a bit obvious, for one, and otherwise in utter ruins. He couldn't imagine many people could fit in a half-destroyed shack all that comfortably. Considering they had been here for some time, it made even less sense.  
  
Still.  
  
It was too suspicious to not check it out. Following his sources had led him here, just out of town. It couldn't be much else. So he crept closer, hunkered down behind a low leaning rock where he could observe the entrance. If he could just confirm this was the place, he could send for a team to strike.

He only needed to confirm it was them. That their lost men and information was stored here. If they were too late-- the unit would have to dispose of the captors. It was _ not _ something Konoha could afford in its weakened state. Their funds and nin low and in high demand, they did not need something so valuable sold to their enemies.  
  
Kakashi would _ personally _ make sure the mission succeeded. He needed to prove himself still worthy of his title and respect. He wanted to make Naruto _ proud _ . Even if the child understood absolutely none of it.

For a long time however, little happened. Kakashi was used to waiting, but he found himself impatient, shifting. Leaning back to elevate the soreness in his ankles. He was too close to move and stretch, so he remained low.

after a while a man in a dark robe stepped from the shack. Kakashi blinked, shifting to sit a little straighter. Watching him closely, he could make out the design printed onto the robe. It was definitely the same as the captors. But with the hood up, he could not see his face. The wind carried their scent in the other direction, so he could not identify their designations either.   
  
He had stopped to speak with the guard, hood turned and casting a shadow Kakashi could not see through. He squinted at them, wishing he could hear them over the wind. Faces were too obscure for his sharingan, so he didn't bother.  
  
He wanted to know, however, what they were discussing. It could be crucial to the strike team. Perhaps the guard was changing, or something to do with the whereabouts of their missing nin. It could have been anything.  
  
So he shifted along the length of the boulder, footfall silent and breath even. As he pressed closer, neither seemed to notice- until the two of them turned suddenly. He pressed back down to the low grass, watching them with rapt attention when, to his surprise, the two of them left. Headed towards the village.  
  
Kakashi blinked, wondering if his luck was too good to be true. If he couldn't actively help stop them, he could certainly scope the place out for the team. It was better for the squad to know as much as possible of the location.  
  
As soon as they were entirely out of sight Kakashi stood in a half crouch, making his way to the broken home. It smelled of mold and damp and green as he got closer, wet rotting wood and chipping white paint the only true feature of the house. Soon he was hidden mere feet from the door. One more quick glance had him pressing into the shadow of the rotting wood, fingers finding the handle and pulling.

The inside was... worn down. Things hung from the splintered rafters, a dusty rug rotting on the floor. It seemed clear that the space had not been used for quite some time. So, where...? Kakashi frowned. He didn't have much time.

In the end he could only scope it out. If he could just find some form of door, _ anything _...

It seemed he had pushed his luck too far, however.

Kakashi had accounted for traps, but not animals. There was no warning hiss when the reptile lept at him. He had only a moment to struggle free and by then it was too late. Long fangs sunk into the thick of his calf, embedding deep into his flesh. A yelp on his lips as the body coiled around his ankle. despite his struggles to remove the offending creature it only seemed to tighten further, sink its teeth in further.  
  
The world tilted sharply and without warning only moments later. Kakashi grimaced, trying to steady himself against a beam. Soon he found himself sliding down, down, down, his mission a distant worry. Eyes drooping rapidly, he realized the snake had been venomous.

Collapsed against the beam he felt shame and anger rise distantly, all entirely his own fault. He had let them down, all of them. So weak he had not even been able to defend himself against a wild snake.  
  
How could he do this to Naruto?  
  
The world went dark.  
  
—-

He woke slowly. Senses trickling back under warped, fuzzy feelings. As if he had been stuffed with sand- he twitched. Body heavy. Numb. Cold. Genjutsu—?? No. Then what had....

The bite.

Kakashi’s eyes flew open with a full body jerk, heaving up to his elbows despite the screaming of his muscles, the wheezing ache in his lungs from the forced effort. The dim room swam, and nausea roiled in his gut, but he stamped it down as the room finally came somewhat into focus. He was on a... medical cot, against the far wall, only a dim bulb glowed steadily above for light. There were no windows, and the walls seemed to be made of carved stone. He was underground then. 

Kakashi gasped a ragged breath, a scratchy wheeze. For a moment his fingers twitched as if to tear his mask off, suddenly suffocating.

He realized his hitai-ate was missing, as well as his gloves and shoes. His equipment bags no longer a weight on his hip. Mask, still, thankfully in place.

And then he realized that he was not alone, but far too late. He tried to swing his sluggish body from the hard cot, but firm unrelenting hands captured him before he could get far. One pinned him back by the shoulder, another wrenching away the knee aimed for his captor’s head. Something thick and warm and _ alive _ caught his wrists, coiling, yanking them to his sides on the bed and he fisted the material there, snarling at the shadowed figure now leaning over him. Ripping the white cotton under his nails. The strong grip on his shoulder and knee prevented him from surging back up to, if anything, _ bite _ them. Mask be damned. 

How had he not noticed them from the start? Shame coiled in his gut. He had been weak enough, fucked up enough to get caught. How badly was he slipping?

A low, rasping chuckle caught his swirling attention, caused his struggling to still for a moment. He blinked, staring up at a pale, pale face. Sight clearing as he squinted the bleary effects of the drug in his system away. 

He froze.

Orochimaru’s sickeningly calm face greeted him. Long, black hair tickled his cheek. The cloying smell of the omega was far too close. 

Was this where the man had run off to when he left? Why? He’d not seen him in— years. He’d been a child, but he had known the greatness of the Sannin. And Orochimaru’s resulting... experimentation.

Something like fear cut its way up his spine. He glared at the pale man, refusing to submit to his intimidating aura and scent. Like burning candles and night fog. The aggressive, demanding nature of him was not unlike that of an alpha’s. He certainly carried himself like one. Even with the ever-present sweet tang to his scent it seemed easy to mistake him. But kakashi knew his own designation too well.

“My, how you’ve grown.” The pale man hummed, eyes taking him in. And it was then like a spell breaking that Kakashi’s fight returned, and he huffed out a growl, sharp, and swung his unrestrained leg at the man’s head, twisting to try and free himself from his grip.

Orochimaru tsked, grip tightening before slamming him back down, kakashi’s skull colliding with the surprisingly hard surface of the cot. He winced, head swimming, and jerked against the restraints—  _ snakes  _ holding his wrists. A third wrapped around his thighs, holding them together and down against the bed. He squirmed, shaking his head in increasing panic.

Though his legs had been released from the man’s grip, the other hand had remained on his shoulder, now sliding dangerously close to his throat. Squeezing once. A warning. He glared up at him, feeling the urge to curl away. Orochimaru’s next and final warning glare was dark and full of promise.

Kakashi ignored the screaming of his instincts to submit to the higher ranked omega to instead twist in his restraints and throw a sharp elbow into the man’s gut. Petulantly, like a child, knowing it would bring him consequences. The wheezing grunt was more than satisfying.

An intensely aggressive scent, demanding submission flooded his senses, aiding the fading drug in continuing its job. Alarm bells went off even as his instincts wrangled control from him, strangled his protests into a halfhearted squirm. It felt as if he was sinking into the bed. He felt like cotton, flimsy yet as heavy as lead. 

“Be still.” A singular verbal warning. Deft fingers clutched the zipper of his flak and Kakashi hissed through his teeth, voice cracking as his armor was removed. Now entirely unzipped the thick material fell to his sides, twisted away by a manipulative hand. Like a second skin being peeled away, he felt vulnerable. Entirely Exposed. In more ways than one. His head thumped back in defeat.

When the man paused, staring at his unprotected torso he knew he’d been entirely caught. The baggy flak had done well to conceal him, but the mesh of his undershirt and black slip did little.

Kakashi snarled fiercely and jerked as much as he could away from the probing palm resting to the soft swell of his lower stomach.

“Oh, my... You’re with child, Kakashi? This is a surprise.” It was like poison. He flinched, genuinely, and threw his head to the side so he would not have to look at those amused green eyes. Those words echoing, tearing at every fiber of his chest.

The hand against him made his skin crawl even as it stayed gentle, sliding up to to the edge of his ribs and back, slipping under the metal mesh and fabric in one go to settle against warm skin at the peak of the swell. Searching. Curious.

“I would have never taken you to bed another so irresponsibly, Kakashi. You had a thing for rules. Oho... the leaf must have been _ desperate _to send you out here. I wonder how disappointed they were in you.” There was a sneer there, something personal edging those words Kakashi could not understand.

“To send you out here, like this. Perhaps they hoped to get rid of two problems. Don’t worry, pet. For now, you will _ grow.” _It wasn’t true. Kakashi refused to believe it. All the snake told were lies, lies, lies...

But then the man was leaning close, too close. His shadow blocking out the dim light entirely. The eerily gentle rubbing of his skin paused. “Tell me. How far along are you?” 

Damn the snake. He shook his head, but another squeeze at his throat had him biting out words full of venom. “_F-Five_ _months_,” quiet, a hiss. Laced with fear.

“Oh? How interesting. You’re quite small for a babe so far along... Kakashi.” A dark brow quirked, but the man leaned away, satisfied with his answer. relief flooded him, until he realized Orochimaru was pushing the rest of his layers up to bunch at his chest. The man almost seemed distracted, entranced by the new mystery of his body. Something exciting. Something even Jutsu could not replicate. It made Kakashi’s skin crawl, and his muscles jumped with anxiety as his hand lit up with swirling chakra.

“_Don’t,” _ his voice cracked. 

“Hush. You do not have to worry... yet.” And the hand returned to his bare skin. Chakra concentrating and then pushing _ in. _ Pressing down, down, down— Kakashi hissed, uncomfortable, mind racing with the sensation of another’s chakra invading his body. Enveloping his most vulnerable places. _ Touching _ the growing being within him.

Kakashi felt violated. The swell was— small, yes- though by this stage he should be _ heavier _ he wasn’t, and really Kakashi didn’t know if he would have been able to handle becoming so round. Briefly he remembered envying Kushina’s healthy round baby filled features. He remembered staring at her for hours, cheeks red and raw and eyes swollen from tears after he had been consoled and coddled by his master for his mistake those few months prior. Wondering what _ that _ would be like. He’d been at the two month marker at the time. Had only discovered it at all hours prior. Save for a bump, he had been entirely flat at the time. He thought he had just been sick. Minato had held him as long as he needed.

His body had had other plans than to follow Kushina’s healthy shape. He had always been lean and narrow— and with such intense training and wartime dragging its claws through all of them he had always wondered if he had done it to himself. The medics had all assured him the... _ child _ was alive— small, perhaps not as healthy as they would like, but persevering... _ delicate. _ As it had progressed the swell had remained easily hidden, taught against his skin, but overlooked. Only the thick smell of milk and _ mother _slowly enveloping his ash scent had really ever given him away. Minato had removed him from duty the night he had run to him.

His nails dug further into the bed. Hot shame rose in his chest, anxiety and anger running together to fill him with nausea. He’d been plagued by fear the more his pregnancy had progressed and become more and more clearly abnormal. Horrified that, perhaps, he was slowly killing the child. His body woefully under equipped. Rejecting the small thing grasping for life within, strangling it. Cutting away its chances before it had even started. Though he had never wanted it he also never _ deserved _ it.

He bit back a cracking, strangled sob that died as a miserable sound in his throat. His eyes burned.

“Oh, _ omega _ . You _ miserable _ thing. Even you could not outrun your nature, hm? And now you are burdened with this unhealthy little whelp. Tell me. Who felled the leaf’s notorious copy nin?” His words were sugar-sweet.

Kakashi shook his head. Shrugged his shoulders in a jerky motion. Refused to look at him. He didn’t know- didn’t care. The alpha had been a means of relief on a mission away from home and he had become too careless. Had thought after so long he was barren. But he wasn’t— nearly, but he _ wasn’t _and now his body was on display for the sick scientist. A new subject for him to study- something atypical.

He wished Orochimaru had killed him instead.

“Why are you here?” He bit out. The pale man paused, fingers tracing the fast pulse in his throat, others sliding along the side of his belly, searching. He wanted to cringe away from the touch. His hackles up at such dangerous hands near his most vulnerable spot.

He hated being a guinea pig. A rodent to study and dissect.

He kicked his bound legs in frustration as the man did not answer. “Why are _ they _ here?” He tried instead.

This time Orochimaru looked at him. It made him want to sink through the bed. 

“You are too smart for your own good, child. No more questions or I’ll keep you from speaking at all.” It was said so casually Kakashi absolutely believed him. So his eyes fell to the side, relenting to the probing. Looking past him, Kakashi could see a dark robe draped over the back of a chair. Similar to who the captured Shinobi had been traveling with. 

A thumb pressed into his side with considerable force and he winced, eyes dragging back up to the snake without his consent. 

Orochimaru hummed, smirking down at him. “Do not zone out on me now. Both if you are fine, _ kit_. Your childish thrashing did not damage such a valuable subject. How remarkable, though. Your womb is, hmm, too _ small_. Yet you have managed to cultivate such a mass, despite the deficiencies you possess. Perhaps it is a strength of will. You Konoha Shinobi are rather fond of that one. Or perhaps it’s the blood of _ Hatake. _Let’s hope it comes out blood beating, hm? I would hate to see such waste.”

Kakashi saw red. The snarling rage at the audacity of the man— as if he had any _ claim _ to _ his _ child— surged to the front with such blinding force he had not felt the prick in his wrist, long sleek fangs, nor the burn of venom until his limbs were suddenly not cooperating, his echoing rage faltering, sluggish and then gone. The protective fury that had blinded him broken as he faded from consciousness.

—-

The next Kakashi woke he was bound by real chains, the pale man missing and a deafening quiet around him. He had been— _ changed, _ his armor missing and only a gray cloth tunic and loose pants fitted him. He felt disgruntled- beyond being changed, even before pregnancy he hadn’t liked form fitting clothing all that much. And yet worse, the loose fit of the tunic was still enough to accentuate the eyesore of his developing body. 

He felt extremely exposed and on display- forced to show off something very _ personal. _ Beyond Minato and Kushina and Gai he hadn’t wanted to share any of the experience with anyone but himself. He had never hid the fact, but he had controlled what _ others _ saw. He couldn’t have ever hid the change in his scent. But he would not be something to _ ogle _at.

So this was _ entirely _ unacceptable.

He found his binds had some give. He could move minutely, raise his arms a few inches. He managed to bring his fingers to his face, tracing the grain of the cloth covering his cheeks. What did they want with him? Why wait to interrogate? Surely Orochimaru was not going to place his... _ observation _ above his groups goal.

At least the man had confirmed as much. An organized group- not simply for hire. His reaction to his question had said enough. But he was surprised the omega would have teamed up with others. He wasn’t exactly the social type. Either way, the danger had risen tenfold. He didn’t know if they could take this on at their current state or how little they knew. 

This was far beyond the scope of a case of missing nin and Kakashi had gotten right into the thick of it. Brilliant.

—-

The third time he woke he was not alone and it was not Orochimaru. Another member of his... organization seemed to have decided to reveal himself; though Kakashi was not sure if he had meant to be caught or not. 

This time it was a man still in his dark garb, face hidden behind an orange mask. He was making no effort to conceal himself, crouched on the seat of a wooden chair facing the cot rather childishly. Kakashi felt as if the man’s sight was boring into him, with deep intent or perhaps _ thought. _ It didn’t sit well. It made him want to duck under the thin blanket and hide from such intense attention.

But finally he relented, head tilting to the side to stare directly at the man. Giving up his charade of sleep. The shift in his apparent stalkers position was satisfying, it fluffed Kakashi’s feathers in such a miserable way over the fact that even bound as he was he could still surprise the enemy.

The man’s broad shoulders hunched over, as if he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. As if Kakashi was not the one _ bound _ to the bed.  
  
For a long time silence hung in the air. The odd alpha’s posture grew mildly aggressive, tense-- and eventually Kakashi relented, not willing to play the man’s macho games. He didn't care. He could skill put a kunai in his throat weather he submitted or not. He let his eyes fall to the side, breaking the stare-down. Submitting.

The man’s voice came suddenly. A low, angry growl. A scratchy rumble that gripped something in Kakashi’s chest with anxiety. “You lost this one. Omega. You _ won't win_. You wont _ leave_. And you _ will _ tell me **who did this** _ so I can kill them._” Broken only briefly by a sharp snarl, “How could you! You're not supposed to be weak. Fuck. You weren't supposed to-- _I'_ _ m going to rip him apart. _ I can't believe you. All that control for nothing!”  
  
Kakashi felt as if he had been dealt a blow. His mind reeled- confusion, shock, he didn't know why the man spoke of him so intimately, possessively. He almost seemed to _know_ him. A strangled attachment that blindsided him. When he woke in a foreign encampment _ this _ was not what he expected.

He stood suddenly, all the posture of a feral animal, thick overbearing alpha scent flooding the room. Kakashi flinched, startled by such an aggressive outburst. Submission burned hot in his throat and an overbearing, threatening step forward had him reeling. His mind swam with such a strong alpha presence. He had never felt anything like it. He jerked his restraints.

That one eye burned into him, molten red. “Konoha won't survive this. Your mission will be a failure, and _ everything _ will fall. But you-- you won't. Will you? Now, you are _ here-- _ and I will fix you. You will learn, Kakashi. And you will-- will--” another snarl. He surged forwards, gripping his chin, forcing him to look up at the orange mask with terrifying clarity. “You will learn to love yourself.. This place. _ Me _ . Your **child** ... I will change things. You will see the truth-- you will raise your child away from that poison. Kakashi. The leaf did not deserve your loyalty. And I will keep it from them.”  
  
His head was wrenched to the side, a sharp pain pressing deep into his neck. He gasped, pulling desperately away from the needle, but his veins burned away and Kakashi remembered nothing. Not even the orange swirl of of the aggressive alpha’s mask. The encounter a distant dream, muddled.

As the events of the nights slipped away from his grasp he had only one last moment to wonder why the stranger knew him so well.

He remembered none of it.


	2. CH2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is put to the grindstone. Can he stand the heat? Reflections lead to revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, hey guys. Back finally w/ another chapter! 
> 
> Ive updated the tags and revised/changed a few aspects of the first chapter, go ahead and reread if you like!
> 
> not Beta read and I did not edit all that stringently, so errors abound!

It seemed like days had passed. Underground, and with no timing among the light in the small room turning on and off Kakashi had no sense of the world around him. He had tried counting, meditating, everything— nothing seemed to work. In the end, he felt like he was growing in a sense, a tad _ crazy _ .  
  
He had not seen Orochimaru in some time. He’d yet to see any others, despite knowing there _ were _ others. He found it strange. He had obviously been after them- their identity and the information they had stolen. He had come here prepared to kill. Yet... they seemed to deem it fit to simply let him sit instead of disposing him, or trying to force any more information out of him. At this point he would have taken torture.  
  
Nin did not discriminate, pregnant or not, so he truly did not understand. He’d seen his fair share of horror, seen omegas and pregnant people torn to shreds for what they knew. What made him different?

He could smell his own stale scent settling into the room. He grimaced. He wanted a shower, badly. The balm had faded by now, but the damp and heat of the land had clung to him, souring his already irritable scent. He felt gross. It wasn't anything he hadn't dealt with, but after a while out of the field, and carrying, he found he had a much stronger obsession with cleanliness. There was little he could do though. He would bear it for the moment.

Kakashi only wished he had been able to send word back before he had been caught. It had been his own mistake in the first place; he had underestimated them and overestimated himself. He had had time to reflect-- and only now saw how foolish and reckless he had been. He had been desperate to prove himself still capable, and it all had fallen down around him.  
  
With so much time on his hands his anger had turned into bitter acceptance. He fucked up. He wished Obito was there to scold him.

These days he found himself wishing a lot. Wanting. Begging even, for things to be as they once were. He was particularly pathetic for it. Death was one thing they could not change, as much as they wanted. He had never been able to accept it though. As much as he was faced with it, as much as he had _ killed _... in the end, it haunted him. His family, his friends, his home... ravaged by the endless cruelty of their world.

Everyone but him had died in the end. It had been his fate to watch every last one of the people he held dear be torn away. He had furthered the cycle of hatred for their sake, and yet, and yet...  
  
Now it was his turn. His captors seemed to think isolation was fit enough for his torture. They didn't know his thoughts couldn't turn much worse than they already had on the daily. He could play such a waiting game- he had before.  
  
It was a matter of who broke first. He rather death than to betray Konoha. Their reluctance to hurt him showed they couldn't afford to lose him for one reason or another. Perhaps he was overestimating that, but it was the chance he had to take.

For the moment he had been let off of the bed on a leash of sorts, it allowed him to interact enough but not escape or get close enough to the only exit- the door. On top of that, they had some way of drugging him rather effectively, dulling his senses and slowing his movements- he guessed it could be in the air vents. 

There wasn't much he could do about that. So instead he studied the rest of his room. A toilet, a sink— one of which he had quickly washed his face in when he had found it— some chairs and a table. To the far end, medical supplies and instruments he had no name for distinctly out of reach. Orochimaru had done well— had not underestimated him. There was otherwise nothing else of interest. He could study the pattern of the wall, count the cracks in the ceiling.... but he had already done so. He didn’t feel quite crazy enough to do that again yet.

So he sat back on the bed. Crossed his legs under him at the ankle and... waited.

It was going to be a long captivity.

—-

Meditation had been something he had taken up in genuine effort over the past year. He had learned to, had trained to do as much- but he had never _ relied _ on it as much as he did now. Minato had always encouraged him, guided him towards something that could help the nightmares. The... anxiety. All things he had never wanted to admit, but of course the two of them had read him like a well-worn book.

They’d been too good for him. After reluctantly sitting with his Sensei for his sessions it was only truly after he had died that he had relied on it more than the _ company _ sitting with Minato had given him. 

In the cold stone cave he found it was one of the only tools he had been afforded.

So he sat on the hard cot, legs crossed at the ankle and breath steady. Back straight, mind carefully blank... drifting. He allowed thoughts to come and then _ pass, _ something he struggled with.

He wasn’t truly meditating just yet. For now, he would breathe, watch time flow and reflect. Though his hands rested lightly on his knees, he found himself letting one slide to his abdomen as his thoughts drifted as if at sea. Pressing gently to the side of taut skin, feeling the warmth there. Feeling the life that could _ be _ there. He rubbed gentle circles as if to soothe the sleeping being, or perhaps himself. It was an... odd connection. He would not have allowed himself to frivolously touch such a place only months prior. The grief and panic that insued had always been overwhelming.

He had come a long way with accepting his pregnancy. 

The memory of only a precious few months prior came unbidden.

...

At first, he had been at war with himself. He had felt unprepared. Like he was stranded at sea. He had been excited for the birth of Minato’s child, but had never thought he himself would... do so. It had changed everything. He had been left reeling, entirely alone. Feeling isolated. He had wanted his team- his _ pack _at his back, but they were... gone.

It had just been too much. The idea of creating a life, alone- with just _ him _ to care for it... how was he supposed to do it? He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t capable. He wasn’t _ worthy _ of such a thing. He’d never done anything in his life to deserve such a gift, to deserve such a fragile thing to depend on him. Kakashi was a killer. A child was not meant to be on his hip— he’d _ ruin _them. 

He didn’t want to create another broken child. He didn’t want to take another’s happiness, their life- he didn’t want to _ break _ a child. He would. He was not ** meant** for this.

As much as the idea also made his chest swell with butterflies... He would not be swayed by brittle emotions. They were deceiving, told him lies and clouded his sight from the danger he posed to the thing within him.

He’d been practically living with Minato and Kushina since he had found out. Being off the roster made him want to hide. Others knew by his scent, he was sure. But it was— was— _ too much _ still. He didn’t want their looks. So he had stayed there, helping Kushina, learning what it would be like. She was entirely, utterly wonderful. But...

He just wanted Obito and Rin to tell him it would be _ okay _ . That their hearts would guide him. Show him. Keep the child _ safe _ from him.

Before, when he had ever imagined his children, on the rare time he had entertained the idea he had always imagined them there, too. Guiding him. Rin’s care and Obito’s laugh. Together they had been his compass.

And now he was at sea without any equipment.

He hadn’t known what he was thinking when he had left the Fourth Hokage’s house entirely flustered. Feeling on edge and overwhelmed he had left, needing to move, to just be away— anything. He barely remembered what had triggered it. All he had known was that home had been suddenly too much and his legs started moving on their own. Kushina’s voice echoing after him.

And now here he was. In nothing but his pajamas, crouched in a back alley with his head between his knees and fire in his lungs.

He felt so pathetic. Useless. He couldn’t do this. Not without them.

He curled his fingers into his silver hair and _ pulled _ . Strands breaking free. The prickle pain of it dull against the overwhelming _ numb _in his skin.

He needed... needed— he didn’t know anymore. 

He couldn’t breathe. Eyes clouded, wet, lip bleeding from where he had sunk his teeth in. 

He couldn’t, he couldn’t, he _ couldn’t... _

“Kakashi?”

Distantly he heard it. 

“Kakashi,” closer now. Softer. 

Why? Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? He didn’t want to talk.

A gentle hand touched his shoulder and he jerked, looking up sharply, ready to snap and snarl. His scent flaring aggressively — until he saw the young man’s face. 

Itachi Uchiha. For a moment he stared owlishly at the endlessly patient teen. Biting back the croak in his voice- until he glanced down. The baby in the sling against the boy’s chest stared unblinking at him and he froze entirely, not even daring to take a breath.

Sasuke Uchiha was only a few months old and he had already developed that serious stare the Uchihas had, all dark eyes and darker hair framing a fat face. 

He was sure he looked pathetic. Swollen lip, and red, tear streaked eyes and a fistful of broken silver strands between his fingers. Crouched in a back alley in bed rumpled pajamas.

He was the kid’s Anbu captain. And now the teen got to see how far he’d fallen.

“Hey,” he breathed. The scratch in his voice entirely too present. “I, uh...” 

“A baby won’t ruin your life, kakashi.” Itachi said this so plainly and absolutely it blindsighted him. He’d not exactly told anyone, but he guessed his scent had changed enough by now to be pretty obvious. Besides his current meltdown on the back road, of course.

He jerked, sitting up a bit and gripping his knees. Staring at the teen not unlike a feral animal. 

He felt ridiculous. Being comforted by the most deadly ANBU on the force while said teen coddled his baby brother. The calming, soothing omega scent the young man exuded was not quite the fully rounded heady omega smell that a fully grown adult would have, but it still cut the edge. The fact that the teen was _ trying _regardless said miles. He could hardly imagine the sort of ninja itachi would grow into. 

He would be the pride of the Uchiha. He knew many of the clan had already staked the young teen as a future Hokage.

...Obito had never had a chance at that title. But the man had been more honorable and worthy of it than any of them. Obito could have been the Hokage. He had been so selfless.

Thinking of the dead alpha only brought pain, Sharp in his chest, so he cut him from his thoughts quickly. He knew better.

So instead he stared at the infinitely patient face of Itachi through bleary, stinging eyes. The teen waiting for him to process things on his own time. The kid had always seen through him- everyone. It seemed like he knew more than any of them at times.

Beyond his strength, both of body and character, itachi’s smooth acceptance of his designation, and pointed fearlessness he exuded about the facts of life had always greatly unnerved kakashi since the day the teen had presented. He’d never been so level headed and steady as him in his entire life. He admired him for it.

“It’s not- _ my _ life I’m worried about,” he bit out, swallowing down the shame in his voice. His knuckles were white gripping the fabric covering his knees. He took a shaking breath that hitched into a hiccup and he felt shame burning hot in his chest.

Instead of saying anything Itachi simply stared at him, expression soft, but otherwise unreadable. Kakashi wished he could read the teen better. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity Itachi shifted from his crouch to sit next to him against the back of the building, eyes tilting up to stare at the hazy stars dim from the streetlights. He seemed to be thinking, lost in his own moment. Something else entirely on his mind. 

Kakashi had never seen him like that. For a moment, just a moment, he forgot his own suffocating misery. The constriction in his lungs distant so briefly. He stared at Itachi. 

And sasuke stared at _ him _. The baby had been compliant, but now without anything to entertain him and a distracted brother he grew quickly restless. An angry babble followed by a slap of a tiny hand to his big brother’s chest had Itachi blinking back down at him, shifting gently to pat the child’s back. 

And perhaps without even realizing he was doing so, the teen marked his little brother, rubbing his scent into the onesie he was wearing. A fond look on his face even as the infant's own pinched up with distaste, like someone had given him something sour. Rather dominant, even as an infant. 

The soft smile on the young omega’s face so full of fondness made kakashi _ ache. _

Itachi must have caught him staring intently at the baby. Endlessly black eyes turned to him, searching yet _ knowing _— and he sat upright. Moving, and kakashi felt alarm growing in his chest that soon turned to horror as the teen slipped his baby brother from the sling.

He found himself frozen. _ Mortified _ as the teen ruthlessly made to put the child _ in his arms _.

He found himself choking on air, sputtering out a cracking protest pitched three octaves too high and gasped as if he was short of breath. Suffocating on the gentle Konoha air. “_ W-Wait I—!! . _ .. _ oh _...”

The baby was settled into his grip and just like that the air in his lungs left him. A gasp filling them back up with the thick scent of _ baby _ and _ Uchiha _ . The weight of the child was— he was both heavier and lighter than he thought, and as his trembling hands supported sasuke against his chest, the entire world fell away. The baby was so _ warm _... He felt himself sagging back against the wall. Entranced. All he could see was little features and dark hair and healthy chubby cheeks. 

How could Itachi _ trust him _ with this? Place his little brother in his arms, staring at him with that softly smug smile. The one he did not notice because all he could look at was the infant. Kakashi could _ break _ him in an instant.

“You are more capable than you think, kakashi. Your worth is in more places than the battlefield.” He gestured to sasuke as kakashi looked up at him, eyes fluttering as if he couldn’t tear his gaze away. And really, he couldn’t.

“See? He stopped fussing.” And indeed, the teen was right. The infant’s squirming and grumpy expression had faded, settled into his touch though sasuke seemed like a rather perpetually grumpy child judging by that constant glare. His fat little fingers had curled into his shirt, tugging idly but not insistently. Not demanding as he had been with his brother. 

He didn’t know what to say. And as Itachi settled back against the wall, now watching them, kakashi felt an... odd sense of calm wash over him. Hesitantly, he brought trembling fingers up from the baby’s side to press his fingertips to an impossibly soft cheek, sliding up into even softer, fluffy hair. 

He wondered what sort of kids Obito would have had, what sort of mate the man would have picked. He had always seemed like a family man, and none more than when he had died. He wished, suddenly, that he was holding Obito’s child. That he could see the man happily mated with the family he always wanted.

His eyes stung. He buried the feeling down, down, down, not unlike his fingers combing through thick dark hair. His breath shook even as he steadied it. Shuddering in his chest. He wished he could stop looking so weak in front of somebody he was _ always _ supposed to be strong for.

He found himself too exhausted to care all that much anymore though. The _ numb _ was coming back, thick and suffocating— almost electric, yet the warmth of the child in his arms radiated deep into his chest, right down to his bones and kept his heart _ beating _.

And... it was just like that they sat. Watching the clouds pass in a dark skylit sky. Kakashi felt like he was floating- yet grounded, tethered entirely by the baby in his arms.

Could he really do this? Could he hold— _ it _ just like this? Could he truly...? 

It seemed like a lifetime had passed. The only indication of time when Itachi glanced at a hidden watch and regrettably informed him that it was curfew- and kakashi gave his little brother up to him in mild reluctance. Fingers lingering, then falling to the empty space on his chest, a lost weight he found himself missing. His chest felt hollow where the baby had settled. As if he had taken a piece with him. He thanked the young ANBU quietly, and watched as he headed back to the Uchiha estate.

Kakashi had finally gone home, exhausted but mind clear, back to the worried arms of Kushina and Minato. The warmth of their arms, and the then-unbearable scenting he had been given rather aggressively by the both of them had left him flustered but feeling as if he _ belonged. _

They had taken him in, treated him like their child unhesitatingly when his father died. Nobody could replace the White Fang, but... Minato was something else entirely to him. Something Sakumo could have _ never _ been. He was Pack. Family. His Leader. He and Minato had imprinted on each other far stronger than he had with Sakumo.

It was truly a mystery as to why- but neither cared. Kakashi had needed him after the event of his father’s suicide and Minato’s instincts had been strong enough to take him in, make him his. To claim him as his son. 

It had been so fast, so instinctually urgent that neither had known what had really been done until kakashi had realized the _ only _ thing he had been able to smell on himself was Minato- including the absence of his _ own _ smell. And the strong parent-bond singing between them had been like a freshly warmed blanket, heavy and all consuming. It had been the first full breath he had taken in days, and to say he had _ lived _ in Minato and Kushina’s bedroom for the following month after would have been an understatement. (They had said it was normal for his age at the time but it was not, not for a trained Hatake. The White Fang had expected different.)

Despite all of it he had still been possessed by enough stupidity to flee his own solstice.

Kakashi’s anxiety would never leave him peace. Especially not for running from his Sensei. He had flushed in guilt in the face of their care and worry, feeling awkward, and shameful but otherwise feeling much, much lighter. 

Dinner had been quiet but, for once, bearable.

....

He drifted back to himself in a sluggish sort of way. Tired, yearning. Kakashi wished he had those two to go back to now. Even after losing so much, he had still taken for granted their presence. Their devotion and love to a child that had entirely fallen into their laps. It still shook him to his core. To belong between the two of them had been more than any dream could create.

Losing them had been the final straw, he supposed. Obito and Rin had torn him apart, laid him bare, and Minato and Kushina had plunged the blade deep. Left him there, wishing to pull the blade free and finally bleed out. But there had been more work, more needs more loss to deal with. Kakashi Hatake was not meant to rest.

It was only the concern of a life _ within _ him that had brought his body to an agonizing halt.

He wanted to run from that, too. This was not new. His life was mostly made of it, honestly. He was nothing more than a coward and he knew it.

Well, now, kakashi was tired. Too tired to run. He would face whatever this was.

Yet despite everything, knowing what he needed to do, he felt homesick. Alone in a cell, for that is what it truly was, he surely missed home. A harsh turn from wanting to be away from it, as he had been only days prior.

How could he have thought that way? Konoha was his Sensei’s treasure. Obito’s treasure. _ Kushina’s. _ Everyone he had ever cared for had **loved** their home. He had too— but it seemed, he realized, he had forgotten it.

Why had he ever come to that? Minato had died for the village, for him. His grief spoke- and had somehow blinded him in the process. All he had ever seen was Minato's sacrifice. Now he saw once again what it had truly been. He wished he hadn’t learned this from being held hostage away from all that he had ever cared for.

Kakashi found he had a newly-fueled fire in his gut to protect Konoha. To _ return _ to Konoha. He would do this... and bring down Orochimaru and his new organization.

\---

He was drowning. The mute whoosh of water amplified the roar of the blood in his veins, threatening to break the steel-willed _ calm _ he gripped with weakening fingers, skittering for purchase on the intangible force, overwhelming as it was. The prickle-cold-numb assaulting his senses, a gasp in his throat though he only choked on water. It zapped his senses like lightning— black edged his awareness, a waning attempt at focus overcome by the sharp and dizzy anxiety flooding his system. It was a natural response of the body, and even framing it in a sense of calm, for they would not _ kill _ him this way only did so much. The body reacted, and even he could not defy it after so long.

His lungs took in without his permission and he choked on water, genuinely this time, _ice_ flooding his lungs, and he _thrashed_.

—And just like that he was being wrenched away, a hand on the back of his head yanking him up from the ice cold water.

Kakashi gasped a ragged breath, coughing and choking now blessedly on air as he spit up the water he’d taken in. His chest heaved, a wet gush as water came up out and onto the cement floor. He pushed away, leaning back on his heels in a moment of firm defiance. Though he was on his knees in front of the basin, arms tied behind him, he would stand firm. Even as his drenched hair blocked his view and his cold fingers could not sweep the waterlogged strands away. His hands were fuzzy with numbness at his back, his restraints too tight. His lungs ached and burned from the water, a sharp stab all over.

The hand was back. Curling tightly into his hair and shoving him back down. He resisted briefly, breath clipped, taking in desperate gulps before he was plunged back under.

It was always water. An incredibly effective tool- even the best could not hold up to the face of the sense of _ drowning _ . ANBU were trained in how to use it. They were also trained in how to resist— but it was a pale comparison to the real thing. He knew it would end then— here? He did _ not. _ It broke any man’s will. He understood why.

Brought to the brink of collapse over and over again— yet without injury, there could be no limit. Only the mental exhaustion, before one would break. 

Kakashi had no intention of breaking however. Though he wished for it’s end, it would never be enough to make him talk. 

Genjutsu had not worked. They had tried- but his mental strength had been too much. And the ANBU seals placed in his mind prevented prying. The old school methods had risen in jutsu’s place, and they certainly did not seem to mind testing his limits. Seeing how far they could push. There almost seemed to be a satisfaction to it.

Even if he did _ break _they would not get what they wanted. If anything, he enjoyed their frustration.

“—_ that’s enough,” _watery words met his submerged ears in a detached, distant sort of way, mangled by the slosh of fluid as he was brought back up from the brink once more. Breath came short and harsh, and he let his forehead press against the lip of the metal basin when they let him as he fought to quell the burning in his lungs. They seemed to be done for the moment.

Kakashi blinked the rivulets of water from his eyes unsuccessfully. He felt chilled to the bone, lightheaded and tense as a coil all at once.

“We’re done for today. Take him back.” Kakashi’s ears popped with the words. He shifted, stiffened, and then held perfectly still as his restraints were removed. The rush of blood back into his cold limbs ached so much that he jerked, clumsily curling his freed arms into his chest. There was a slight chatter to his teeth that he could not stop, not even with the forcefully calm breaths he took through his nose.

The day’s torturer gripped him by the upper arm this time, hauling him to his feet on stiff legs. He missed shoes. The rough floor bit into his skin and the chill of it sunk into his bones. His arm was jerked forwards to make him move.

Something about it and the cold spurred something in him that had been exhaustedly patient. 

His hand flew up to the man’s wrist and _ twisted _ ruthlessly, spinning on his heel to tackle the beta. Shoulder collided with sternum and he ripped into the tool pouch by his attackers hip, gripping the kunai with savage satisfaction and tearing it free. He had sorely missed the weight of it on his palm, and the way it positively _ bit _ into the man’s throat as he surged upwards made his instincts sing. Red heat gushed to meet his fingers, a vital artery struck and he went down with him. 

Kakashi had not felt so vindicated with a kill in _ years _. His hands were coated in the beta’s blood, a heavy metallic scent that sunk into him and blinded his nose. Hot and slippery on his skin. Some savage part of him wanted to brutalize his tormentor, but he stuffed that dark, hideous thing back down.

Though it had only been an instant kakashi was too slow now, not yet fast enough being both drugged and exhausted that he could not evade the beta’s partner in time. 

The grip on his shoulder and fingers curling into his hair was given with a sharp twist, a booted foot coming to the back of his left knee. He jerked, hissing through clenched teeth at the hot, bubbling _ searing _ pop it gave. The kunai fell from his grip on reflex, pressing down instead to keep himself upright.

“You’ll pay for that,” the beta spit, somewhere by his right ear. Kakashi couldn’t tell. He only knew that his leg sorely regretted that last move. 

For a moment time stalled. He met blinding pain with _ feral _ intent, anger and _ teeth _ , and something on the other man _ tore _ under his fangs. Heat surged to meet his lips, filling his mouth, and the struggle ceased instantly. But his triumph was gone just as soon as it hit. The slip of hot fluid down his side twisted the victory into something hazy. 

Spitting a mouthful of the others blood, he could feel his lower face soaked even as he brought a clumsy hand to the deep gash in his ribs.

The world listed, his body suddenly light as air, almost as if he could float away. Cold stone met his forehead, and just as he had time to wonder when he had laid down, the world faded like the bubbling rush of blood down his side.

—-

_ “—-fix him, fix him _ ** _now_ ** _ , goddammit,” _

It was faint, swimming somewhere off to the side. It sounded like... obito. It was just like him. Right down to that growl that edged his words when he was upset. Kakashi knew it well- he had always been on the older boy’s nerves. But obito was dead. It was a dream, then. His mind had supplied a good impersonation of what he’d have sounded like older. Voice deep, but smothered under that bolster something sweet and kind. Playful, but unyieldingly caring. 

_ “—I know you can! So just do it!” _

What was he talking about- who? Was it him? There was something about that aggressive car being pointed at him that made something deep inside positively _ flutter _. It also ached in the same breath. It was too easy to indulge in the dream, even if things seemed to be growing more and more faint...

—-

“You gave us quite a scare, pet. You’re lucky my skills include medical ninjutsu.” Orochimaru’s voice filtered in as the same time kakashi’s eyes fluttered open. There was a low ache in his side, and soreness screamed from every angle of his body. Exhaustion clung to him, his earlier exertion fuzzy, coming back in muddled waves.

The two nin he’d killed, the injury to his side. He’d gotten desperate. Taken a risk on the bank that they would not kill him. But when it came to _ kakashi’s _ intent, their only defense was to kill or be killed. He should have been more patient.

He wondered what retribution he would be met with for this incident. What punishment would be handed out. Captors never take kindly to excess resources being expended.

“Tt. Your stubbornness is going to kill you pup. I’m surprised it hasn’t yet. Oh, poor boy... Has the loss of your pack left you wild, hm? That bite was _ beautiful _ . You left such clean marks. Hatake instincts are always so strong. You went entirely _ feral. _ How _ fascinating _.” His voice was thick, soft as if to comfort him but filled with an almost infatuated fascination— nearly adoration.

“Bite me,” kakashi muttered, too woozy to protest the hands on him. Orochimaru’s responding laugh was light and unbothered. 

“I do not think you want that, child.” He hummed, and Kakashi believed him.

The scent of the other omega had changed, mildly. Orochimaru did not seem one to hide his scent, but here it seemed dampened. It may have just been the drugs, but kakashi could hardly smell him. Was the snake going _ out _? The only reason kakashi could think of was an extended trip- one he wouldn’t want to be detected on.

That made something cold and heavy settle into the pit of his stomach. He didn’t know why- but it couldn’t be good. Had he let something slip without realizing it? 

“You’re leaving.” The drugs had addled his inhibition. He bit the inside of his cheek to bite back any more inquiry. 

“Astute observation,” Orochimaru hummed back. “It’s none of your concern, however. Be a good pet till I get back, hm?”

The exhaustion was creeping back. Kakashi blearily watched Orochimaru Inject something into an iv— an IV he belatedly realized was connected to his arm. He was getting sick of being put under. Yet... something in him decided that it probably _ would _ be in his best interests to listen to his captor- for once. He had already been shown he couldn’t press his luck here. 

The drugs did their work just as kakashi felt a _ shift _ within his belly. _ Movement _ he had no time to genuinely register before darkness consumed him once again.

That had _ never _ happened before.

Minato Sensei was supposed to have been the one by his side for that. Instead, Kakashi couldn’t even experience the _ quickening _for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I think the major change with Obito is that he somehow found out about the actual circumstances of rins death rather quickly, as well as the types of brainwashing ANBU put Kakashi through, and the things he did and the humanity he sacrificed in doing so. This all ends up still ultimately fueling his goals, as his anger extends towards the selfishness of others playing board games with peoples lives- as is war. His anger at Minato is still present, he blames minato for letting kakashi become an anbu, knowing what they do, and let his own imprinted son become part of the machine of hatred and darkness.
> 
> I think this extends his plan to turning Kakashi to his side instead of killing him. He wants Kakashi to be part of his new world, to have what they were never afforded as child soldiers.
> 
> Besides all that, I think besides Pain and Konan Orocimaru is the only other one to know who Tobi really is-- or at least knows him as "Madara". I think hes too clever. 
> 
> Next chapter, I think we will have a few more flashbacks and more Obito......
> 
> As always comments encourage updates!

**Author's Note:**

> I have absolutely no idea of where this is going. It just hit me suddenly! So please feel free to tell me your theories or ideas in general- I love comments! I want to know what you think! I promise I dont bite.


End file.
